"THE CURSE OF THE FATAL
DEATH"
PART 4
First Broadcast 12th March 1999 as part of
Comic Relief
1. Dalek Ship
MASTER: Behold, the miracle of the
Time Lord!
(The new younger DOCTOR stands up.)
TENTH DOCTOR: Oh,
sorry about that. I just though I'd slip into something more
comfortable.
(He checks himself in a mirror.)
Result? Cute, sexy
and lick-the-mirror handsome.
(He licks the mirror then turns to the
MASTER.)
I remember you don't I?
MASTER: And you still fear me,
Doctor?
TENTH DOCTOR: You're the camp one.
MASTER: I'm not
camp.
TENTH DOCTOR: Oh yeah. Nice tits.
MASTER:
Bumps.
TENTH DOCTOR: (to the DALEKS) I remember you lot of course. (to
EMMA) And, er, you're my finacee?
EMMA: You remember me
then?
TENTH DOCTOR: How could I possibly forget the only
time-travelling companion I've ever had?
EMMA: You've had lots of
companions.
TENTH DOCTOR: The only time-travelling companion I've
had.
EMMA: Oh right.
(He pulls EMMA close.)
TENTH
DOCTOR: It's still me in here, Emma. These old hearts are still yours. Can you
still love me in my new body?
EMMA: Actually I don't think I'll have to
much of a problem with that. Er, back to the TARDIS?
(They run to the
TARDIS which is in the corner of the room.)
BLACK DALEK: The Zectronic
Beam Controller is going to explode!
DALEK: Help us Doctor and you're
life will be spared.
TENTH DOCTOR: What better way to end my career
than saving you metal gits? (to EMMA) Pop into the TARDIS, get a bottle of
good champagne. When you get out we'll celebrate the beginning of our new life
together.
EMMA: Great.
(EMMA enters the TARDIS while the DOCTOR
goes over to the Zectronic Beam Controller.)
TENTH DOCTOR: I think in
my new body I'm going to be particually good at rewiring.
(He reaches
around the back of the console. There is an explosion and another DOCTOR
staggers out.)
ELEVENTH DOCTOR: Ooh, bugger.
(EMMA
returns.)
EMMA: Doctor?
DOCTOR: Ah. You're my finacee aren't
you? Oh dear.
(He hops accross to the other side of the
room.)
Seem to be a bit shy of girls now. All the problems of changing
personas. So unpredictable.
EMMA: Doctor, look at me.
ELEVENTH
DOCTOR: In a minute.
(The MASTER emerges from a corridor in the
background.)
Oh dear, another girl.
MASTER: I'm not a girl,
Doctor, I've told you before. These are Dalek bumps. They can locate syntheric
beam emissions and... everything.
EMMA: So, er, you don't want to try
again, do you?
ELEVENTH DOCTOR: Yes, probably not a bad idea, actually.
Shouldn't be too much of a problem.
(The DOCTOR reaches behind the
Zectronic Beam Controller again.)
Actually, I think the problems
probably located in this area.
(He heads off down the corridor and
around the corner. There is another explosion and yet another DOCTOR staggers
out.)
EMMA: <???>
TWELFTH DOCTOR: Oh dear, look at that.
I've gone and used up three bodies in just under a minute, and all because I
forgot to unplug first. That really was terribly silly of me.
(He
unplugs the Controller.)
Sorry about that my dear, bit
unfortunate.
EMMA: Doctor!
TWELFTH DOCTOR: Oh
assistant!
(Suddenly a beam strikes the DOCTOR from behind but this is
from no DALEK gun. The DOCTOR falls down by the TARDIS and EMMA crouches over
him.)
EMMA: Doctor!
TWELFTH DOCTOR: Residual energy. I'm a
stupid ass, I should have realised.
BLACK DALEK: The Doctor has saved
the Daleks, his life will be spared.
(The MASTER kneels down beside the
DOCTOR.)
MASTER: No. His life is already lost. That was a discharge of
pure Zectronic Energy. Even a Time Lord cannot survive its terrible
power.
EMMA: But he can just change again, can't you
Doctor?
TWELFTH DOCTOR: I'm afraid not, my dear. Zectronic Energy...
too powerful. It has destroyed my ability to regenerate. I'm afraid this is,
the end. Look after the universe for me, I've put a lot of work into
it.
EMMA: But how can we look after it without you?
TWELFTH
DOCTOR: I'll... explain...
(The DOCTOR sighs and goes
limp.)
EMMA: Doctor, listen to me. You can't die, you're too... You're
too nice. Too brave, too kind and far, far too silly. You're like Father
Christmas! The Wizard of Oz! Scooby Doo! And I love you very much. And we all
need you and you simply cannot die!
MASTER: He was the best and bravest
of all my foes. From this day forward I shall renounce evil and follow the
path of goodness to honour my fallen foe.
BLACK DALEK: The Doctor saved
the Daleks. The Daleks too will honour their mortal enemy.
EMMA: He was
never cruel and never cowardly, and it'll never be safe to be scared
again.
(The MASTER leads EMMA off down the corridor. But behind them
the DOCTOR's face glows and begins to change again. They turn round and the
MASTER gasps.)
MASTER: It's impossible! Beyond all known laws of the
universe!
EMMA: Maybe even the universe can't bear to be without the
Doctor.
(The new DOCTOR stands up but there is definately something
different this time.)
THIRTEENTH DOCTOR: Emma, look, I've got atheric
beam locators.
EMMA: No Doctor, I'm afraid those are actual
breasts.
THIRTEENTH DOCTOR: (peering down coat) Are you sure? I think I
can see the 'on' switch.
EMMA: No Doctor, we have to face facts. You've
come back to life and this time you're a woman.
THIRTEENTH DOCTOR:
Really? I've always wanted to get my hands on one of these.
(She feels
her body with her hands.)
EMMA: Unfortunately, I
haven't.
THIRTEENTH DOCTOR: You're mother's going to get a bit of a
surprise at the wedding, isn't she? Do you think we'll both wear
white?
EMMA: I'm afraid Doctor, and I'm not sure if this sentence has
ever been used so completely accurately before but, you're just not the man I
fell in love with.
THIRTEENTH DOCTOR: Well never mind. We can still
rattle around the universe, fighting monsters and saving planets. What could
be more fun? My best friend by my side, my trusty old TARDIS and, of
course...
(She pulls out a familiar object.)
...my sonic
screwdriver.
(She switches it on a it begins to vibrate.)
Ooh
look, it's got three settings!
EMMA: Doctor, stop that!
(EMMA
snatches it off the DOCTOR and storms off.)
MASTER: Doctor, I have to
say you are rather gorgeous.
THIRTEENTH DOCTOR: I'm not bad, am I? And
come to think of it, you're a great deal more attractive than I
remember.
MASTER: Why, thank you.
DOCTOR: Tell me, why do they
call you "the Master"?
MASTER: I'll explain later.
(The MASTER
bursts into manic laughter as the walk off down the corridor, arm in arm.)
END OF PART 4
EPILOGUE: Main Hall, Castle Terserus
(The NINTH
DOCTOR walks up to the TARDIS.)
DOCTOR: When I want to save the world I
use a phone box, but you can do it from home. 0345 460 460.
(The
numbers appear in a caption beneath him.)
Transcribed by Joseph
Oldham