CARNIVAL
OF
MONSTERSBY
ROBERT HOLMESEPISODE ONE
1: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT
(An alien looks up expectantly into the sky of his planet. Almost bald-headed except for a fringe of hair which skirts the edge of his head, his eyes and lips have a red tinge within a face that is otherwise as grey as his hair. He has thick grey eyebrows. His clothing is also grey or pinstriped with a white, metallic-coloured top and black boots. The impression of the individual is that of a colourless bureaucrat. His watch is rewarded as a space rocket comes to dock on a platform in the port. Long and pointed, it lands on three legs with a jet of fire beneath it to slow its descent. The buildings that surround it are as grey as the watcher, covered in rivets and with some structures that resemble iron cacti. The alien - ORUM - walks along down some steps and onto an elevated walkway built into the rock and sand of the planet and up to another of his kind. This individual - KALIK - walks with a stiff and erect bearing, making him even more of a parody of a civil servant than the slightly bumbling ORUM. KALIK speaks in a clipped thin tone...)
KALIK: Well, the cargo shuttle has arrived...at last.
ORUM: One must prepare oneself to encounter the aliens.
KALIK: Reluctantly, one agrees.(Below the elevated walkway, within the panelled buildings of the port, the silver boxed cargo from the shuttle comes down a ramp and out of a square hatch onto the ground. Immediately a functionary - the lower caste of the planet - rushes forward. He starts to pull forward others of his kind - identical, with grey heads, unfinished features, flat noses and tunic like uniforms - and exhorts them to start work with a mixture of grunts. They start to put the boxes onto a conveyer belt, taking little notice of the next "item" which falls from the hatch. It is a young woman, dressed in a grey and silver space suit with an air tube attached but with green and pink bobbles adorning her grey-blonde hair and brightly coloured make-up and glitter on her face. She looks non-too pleased at her form of arrival. A moment later, an older man falls from the hatch. He too wears a spacesuit. He has glasses and a thick luxuriant moustache. He holds his hand to his head in vexation at their tumbled entrance.)
VORG: Oh, oh, oh dear. Oh...
(The young woman stands up and starts to harangue him...)
SHIRNA: "Top of the bill", he says!
VORG: Ahh..
SHIRNA: "Received like Princes", he says!
VORG: Now, now, Shirna, don't be so...(A thought strikes him and he snaps his gloved fingers.)
VORG: The scope! Come on!
(He rushes to the cargo hatch.)
VORG: Come on, give me a hand.
(A cylindrical machine is coming down the ramp and out of the hatch. The base is a round column, on top of which at waist height is a control panel and topped by a large globe, sliced down one side to give a viewing screen which is yellow in colour. Some functionaries start to assist the two humanoids with the machine.)
VORG: Oh...oh dear, careful now. Please be careful.
(The functionaries start to roughly push the machine away from the hatch area.)
VORG: Now have a care with that, please? It cost a lot of credit bars.
(The man and woman start to collect the remainder of their copious luggage - multi-coloured plastic bags, a large cylindrical silver case and a toolkit - as the functionaries push the machine under an archway and into a quiet corner of the spaceport. The man follows the machine as the girl looks upwards to the elevated landing, sees someone approaching, and runs after the man.)
SHIRNA: Look out, here they come.
(KALIK and ORUM walk into the hatch area. They coldly watch the work for a second. Suddenly, one of the functionaries clutches his head and pushes his way through his colleagues and through the archway through which the two observers have just come. He appears a moment later on one of the elevated walkways, grunting and gesticulating to his brethren below in a "speech" of defiance. They in turn start to push their way towards the archway as if to try and join the rogue functionary. ORUM desperately tries to hold them from doing so.)
ORUM: No, no! Come on! Back! Back! Back! Back!
(Meanwhile, the more calculating KALIK reaches for a weapon which hangs from a holder on his waist. Silver, it has two prongs which emanate from the core and meet back in the middle. KALIK fires, there is a red glow and the air distorts into a frenzy of oscillating waves. The functionary clutches his chest and plunges from the walkway, falling to the ground below.)
ORUM: (Relieved.) Very good. You have eradicated him.
KALIK: No, no, no, merely rendered him unconscious.
ORUM: But he will be disposed of?
KALIK: Naturally. But first his mental and nervous systems will be subjected to analysis.
ORUM: Yes, of course. Now, one must deal with the aliens...(They turn and stare at the two terrified arrivals...)
2: EXT. OCEAN
(A two-masted steamship floats on a calm sunlit sea.)
3: INT. SS BERNICE. CARGO HOLD
(The TARDIS materialises in a hold filled with a cargo of a very different nature to that in the spaceport. Wooden crates and barrels are scattered around the metal hull and the throb of the ship's engines constantly fill the room. The DOCTOR strides out in a green smoking jacket and brown cloak. Jo follows, wearing a blue jacket and denim jeans over dark blue boots.)
DOCTOR: Look, I tell you there's no need for a test, Jo. I've been here before and the air is perfectly...
JO: (Interrupts.) Phew, it smells!(She sniffs the stale air.)
DOCTOR: Yeah, that's odd.
JO: Sort of..."farmy".
DOCTOR: Yes...(He sniffs the air again.)
DOCTOR: Yes, gaseous sulphides - low concentration. Nothing to worry about.
(He strides off. JO looks sceptical to say the least.)
4: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT
(In their corner of the now quiet space port, the girl - SHIRNA - starts to divest herself of her spacesuit. Underneath she wears a garish costume of a blue, lime green and pink stage costume, covered with small bobbles and with darker green boots on her feet. The functionaries start to gather to watch with interest. The man - VORG - starts to pull off his own spacesuit. Under that he wears an incredible costume of orange bell-bottoms, purple boots, and a pink and green chevroned waistcoat topped off by an overcoat of multiple patchwork and multi-coloured plastic circles. SHIRNA notices the functionaries staring at them.)
SHIRNA: (Nervously.) Hey, Vorg?
(VORG, ever the showman, smiles in delight.)
VORG: Well, well, well! We're getting a crowd! Better start the pitch.
SHIRNA: Here?
VORG: Well, there's no point in wasting any time.(He dons a plastic transparent bowler hat. SHIRNA picks up a blue flat squarish tambourine like device from out of her luggage and starts to tap on it as VORG begins the performance...)
VORG: Roll up! Roll up and see the monster show! Roll up and see the monster show! A carnival of monsters, all living in their natural habitat, wild in this little box of mine!
(He taps the cylindrical machine and raises his hands...)
VORG: A miracle of intragalactic technology! Roll up! Roll up! Roll...
(His voices tails off as a stern-looking KALIK and ORUM stride up behind the group of functionaries who immediately begin to disperse. VORG falls silent and drops his upraised hands. SHIRNA drops her tambourine back into her luggage. KALIK turns in disgust to ORUM.)
KALIK: So...those are Lurmans.
ORUM: The male is called Vorg, it seems. The female: Shirna.
KALIK: Ridiculous names! But at least their physiology is familiar. One was afraid they might have four heads, huh!
ORUM: No doubt that is why President Zarb decreed that Lurmans should be our first alien visitors.
KALIK: (Snorts.) No good can come from fratinising with these...inferior races.
ORUM: Nevertheless, Commissioner Kalik, one has one's duty to perform, no matter how unpleasant.
KALIK: Mmm. One thinks one will wait for Plectrac. He is chairman of this tribunal. Let him do his duty.(Meanwhile, a red light starts to flash on VORG'S machine and it gives off a bleeping noise.)
SHIRNA: Vorg, look.
VORG: Mmm?(He walks over from his luggage.)
VORG: Oh, that's nothing.
(He starts to bang the side of the machine.)
VORG: I'm sure it's nothing.
SHIRNA: It indicates a systems defect, doesn't it?
VORG: It's just a loose connection somewhere.(He starts to kick the machine.)
VORG: Nothing of any importance.
SHIRNA: (Archly.) A systems defect.
VORG: Of all the times to go wrong!
5: INT. SS BERNICE. CARGO HOLD
(The DOCTOR and JO are still in the hold.)
DOCTOR: Well, I can assure you that the last time I was here, the air was...
(He kisses his fingers.)
DOCTOR: Like wine.
JO: Are you certain we are here?
DOCTOR: Where?
JO: Well, where you think we are. Are you sure you can steer that TARDIS properly?
DOCTOR: Jo, I don't steer the TARDIS - I program it. And according to program, this is Metebelis Three, the famous blue planet of the Acteon group.(JO suddenly becomes aware of the rumble of the ship's engines.)
JO: Shh - listen!
(The DOCTOR listens.)
DOCTOR: It's extraordinary. We appear to be in some kind of a machine.
JO: Yes, and it's moving - I can feel it.
DOCTOR: Yes, you're right. Come on.(He heads to a door-hatch.)
JO: Where are you going?
DOCTOR: Well, to find out where we are, of course.
JO: I thought you knew?
DOCTOR: (Sheepishly.) Yes, well we may have slightly overshot the blue planet, but we must be on one of planets in the group. We'll soon see.(He heads again for the door. JO is about to follow but suddenly hears a noise across the hold and cries out in fear...)
JO: Doctor!
(He comes back.)
DOCTOR: What is it?
JO: There's something alive over there!(She points into the darkness across the hold from where they can hear animal noises.)
DOCTOR: Well, let's take a look, shall we?
(The object of JO'S fear is a wooden cage full of chickens. She smiles in delight.)
JO: Chickens!
(The DOCTOR holds up a hand in salute.)
DOCTOR: Greetings!
(The chickens show signs of panic...)
DOCTOR: Alright, alright, alright, we're friends!
JO: Try clucking.
DOCTOR: (Patiently.) Jo, when you've travelled as much as I have, you'll learn never to judge by appearances. These creatures may look like chickens, but for all we know, they're the intelligent life form on this planet.
JO: They not only look like chickens, they are chickens.(She notices the crate that the cage stands on.)
JO: And what about this?
(Across the crate is stenciled in paint a place name. The DOCTOR reads it.)
DOCTOR: Singapore.
JO: The Acteon galaxy, you said, Doctor?(He gives her a rueful look and heads for the doorway. JO makes clucking noises at the chickens.)
DOCTOR: Oh, Jo, do come on!
JO: (To the chickens.) Bye.(She follows him.)
6: INT. SS BERNICE. PASSAGE OUTSIDE CARGO HOLD
(They start to climb a metal wall ladder to the decks above.)
7: EXT. SS BERNICE. MAIN DECK
(An Indian sailor climbs down from the for'ard deck and walks past a metal door. After he has gone, the door opens and the DOCTOR and JO peer out into the sunshine. They watch the sailor walk off.)
JO: Hey...
DOCTOR: Shh!
JO: Well, it's just an ordinary ship.
DOCTOR: Appearances can be very deceiving, Jo. No, there's something wrong here.
JO: We're still on Earth, aren't we?
DOCTOR: No, that's impossible.
JO: Don't you ever admit that you're wrong?
DOCTOR: No, that's impossible too.(They see the sailor climb up another flight of steps to the upper rear deck.)
DOCTOR: Come on, but keep low.
(Doing so, he comes out of the doorway and moves off, crouching down. JO grins and follows. They make their way past a large deck hatch leading to the cargo hold below, using it for cover. Coming to the end of the hatch, they pause in hiding to watch a mess hand throwing the contents of a bucket over the side. Once he has gone, they too start to climb the steps taken by the first sailor and find themselves next to an open cabin. The DOCTOR presses against the wall as he hears a voice coming from ahead speaking in a clipped English accent.)
MAJOR DALY: (OOV.) That was a splendid dinner, absolutely topping.
(The DOCTOR indicates to JO with a nod of the head to duck inside the cabin and he follows. A moment later, three people come along the gangway. The speaker is a typical MAJOR of the British Empire, dressed in a white tropical suit with a panama hat. A young girl, dressed in the style of a flapper walks with him holding onto his arm and they are followed by a handsome young officer in a white uniform.)
MAJOR DALY: Oh, there's nothing like a good curry.
8: INT. SS BERNICE. PASSENGER SALOON
(The DOCTOR and JO have entered a comfortable saloon cabin. Teak furniture and bookshelves line the wooden room. The two hide behind a wooden bench seat and listen as the three people enter the room.)
MAJOR DALY: Do you say the cook's a Madrassi, Andrews?
JOHN ANDREWS: I believe so, sir.
MAJOR DALY: Oh, I find the Madrassi's a bit idle meself. Won't have them on the plantation.(He heads straight for a drinks tray.)
MAJOR DALY: Still, I must admit your fellow does know how to curry a chicken.
(He opens a whisky bottle and picks up an empty glass.)
MAJOR DALY: Sundowner?
JOHN ANDREWS: Er, not for me, sir.
MAJOR DALY: Claire?
CLAIRE DALY: No, thank you, daddy. John and I thought we'd take a turn around the deck.
JOHN ANDREWS: Would you care to join us, sir? It's a glorious evening.
MAJOR DALY: No, no, no, you two run along. I'm going to do a spot of reading.(He takes a swig of his drink and sits on a leather bench in front of a book. He takes out his spectacles.)
MAJOR DALY: Determined to finish this book before we reach Bombay.
CLAIRE DALY: Well, we're due there tomorrow. How much have you got left?
MAJOR DALY: Only another two chapters.
JOHN ANDREWS: Well, we'll see you later then, sir.
MAJOR DALY: (Not listening.) Yeah...(ANDREWS offers CLAIRE his arm and leads her back out of the saloon and onto the gangway.)
JOHN ANDREWS: Twenty times round the deck is a mile, Claire. So, if we put our best feet forward...
(His voice tails off and they walk away. The MAJOR takes another drink and opens his book. He starts to read but soon starts yawning. Within seconds his eyes start to drop as the DOCTOR and JO wait patiently. They cautiously raise their heads but quickly drop down again as CLAIRE and ANDREWS make the first of their twenty passages past the door.)
CLAIRE DALY: Really, though, I love musical plays! I saw "Lady, be good" four times, and don't you think that young American chap was marvellous - you know, Fred somebody? Fred Astaire!
JOHN ANDREWS: Personally, I think musicals are a lot of nonsense...(They move off again out of earshot. The DOCTOR indicates to JO that she can rise and she does so with him as the strains of a gramophone playing "Five-Foot Two, Eyes of Blue" reach them. They are about to head for the open doorway when the MAJOR mutters in his sleep. The DOCTOR stares at the sleeping man.)
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) No, there's only one explanation.
JO: (Whispers.) What's that?
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) This isn't Earth - it just looks like it.
JO: (Whispers.) Alright, Doctor, I'll convince you.(She creeps forward as the MAJOR again mutters under his breath. She takes a magazine off the table and returns to the DOCTOR with it, tapping the wrap-around cover.)
JO: (Whispers.) There. Take a look at that.
(The DOCTOR opens the magazine to its title page. It is "The Illustrated London News" with a dateline of Saturday, April 3, 1926.)
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) 1926? Mmm...
JO: (Whispers.) Convinced?
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) No.
JO: (Quietly.) Oh, Doctor, you're so...stubborn! And you ought to have an 'L' plate for that police box of yours! You don't even know where you're going in it.
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Come on, Jo.
JO: (Quietly.) Where to?
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Back to the TARDIS.
JO: (Quietly.) And what for?
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Well, I don't know what's happening here, but I don't like it. Why do you want to stay?
JO: (Quietly.) I just want you to admit the truth, that's all. Well, instead of swanning around some distant galaxy, we've slipped back about forty years in time and we're on a little cargo boat in the middle of the Indian Ocean.(She is interrupted by a loud roar outside, followed by a scream from CLAIRE. The DOCTOR and JO again dive into their hiding place behind the bench as the two noises wake the MAJOR up.)
MAJOR DALY: Yeah...what...what? What? What? What?
(He jumps to his feet as CLAIRE, distraught, and ANDREWS come running back into the saloon.)
CLAIRE DALY: (Terrified.) Daddy, oh, Daddy, there's something terrible out there in the sea!
MAJOR DALY: (Shouts.) What's going on?
JOHN ANDREWS: Some kind of monster!(Outside the cabin, they can see as a prehistoric monster rises into view from the surface of the sea, roaring at the boat. CLAIRE finds comfort in JOHN'S arms as they stand agog.)
MAJOR DALY: What the deuce is it?!
(The DOCTOR and JO can also see it from their hiding place. The DOCTOR is as shocked as the occupants of the saloon.)
DOCTOR: (To JO.) It's a plesiosaurus!
JO: What?
DOCTOR: It's incredible! If this really is 1926, the plesiosaurus has been extinct for one hundred and thirty million years!(The monster roars again and falls below the level of the gangway. The MAJOR gingerly steps to the door and looks out.)
MAJOR DALY: It's gone back in the sea!
JOHN ANDREWS: I'd better get a rifle, Major. It might attack again! Here, sir, if you'll just look after Claire a moment?
MAJOR DALY: Yes, yes, yes, of course.(He hugs his daughter as ANDREW'S rushes off. From outside the cabin, they can hear the yells of the shocked sailors.)
MAJOR DALY: I say! What a monstrous beast!
CLAIRE DALY: (Tearfully.) It was awful, horrible!
MAJOR DALY: There, there, there, my child.(He leads her to a chair.)
MAJOR DALY: You'd better come and sit down. I've never seen anything like it in me life! I wonder if it'll come back?
CLAIRE DALY: Oh no!
MAJOR DALY: Mmm? Oh, you look as if you need a peg.(He goes to the drinks tray. The DOCTOR sees that the way is now clear for them to leave and they start to stand up and make their way to the open door.)
MAJOR DALY: Might get a shot at the beast next time. What a head, eh?! Gad, I'd love to have that on the club wall, what?
(But CLAIRE turns her head at the wrong moment and gives a cry of alarm as she sees the two. Caught, they stand stock still as the MAJOR looks at them in puzzlement.)
MAJOR DALY: Hello?
DOCTOR: (Smiles.) Hello! Topping day, what?(He heads for the door again.)
MAJOR DALY: Er, just a minute - you two passengers?
(The DOCTOR halts.)
DOCTOR: Er, yes, but...only temporarily.
MAJOR DALY: What?
JO: Oh, he means only to Bombay.
MAJOR DALY: (Laughs.) But, I thought my daughter and I were the only passengers?
CLAIRE DALY: Where did you come aboard?
JO: Port Said.
CLAIRE DALY: But I don't understand. Why haven't we met before?
JO: Ah, well you see, my...my uncle hasn't been terribly well, so...
MAJOR DALY: (Smiles.) Ah, poor traveller, eh? Not used to it, I suppose?
DOCTOR: (Riled.) On that contrary, sir...
MAJOR DALY: (Good humouredly.) Well, never mind. We've now got a fourth for bridge, what?
DOCTOR: Yes!(The DOCTOR and JO laugh.)
MAJOR DALY: Or would you prefer Mah Jong?
DOCTOR: Yes.(Smiling, he heads for the door again - just as ANDREWS comes back with an Indian sailor. They are both armed.)
JOHN ANDREWS: Not a sign of the beast, Major...
(He sees the DOCTOR and JO.)
JOHN ANDREWS: Who are these people?
MAJOR DALY: (Puzzled.) Well, don't you know, Andrews?
CLAIRE DALY: (Puzzled.) They said they joined the ship at Port Said?
JOHN ANDREWS: Stowaways, eh?
MAJOR DALY: (Booms.) Stowaways!
JOHN ANDREWS: Where have you been hiding?(The DOCTOR and JO are seemingly lost for words, but...)
JO: (To the DOCTOR.) You tell them, uncle!
(He looks at her in astonishment.)
9: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT
(Another of the grey bureaucratic aliens traverses an upper level walkway and down some steps. He is identical in looks and dress to his two comrades bar a full length grey-silver cloak with a pleated front that denotes his senior rank. He joins his two comrades and speaks to them in his continuously worried and fussy manner.)
PLETRAC: Another functionary has dared to ascend to the higher level.
KALIK: One, er, witnessed the event.
ORUM: One cannot understand why they do it.
KALIK: But then, one is not a functionary.
PLETRAC: It is a growing problem. As members of the official species, we must all share President Zarb's concern.
ORUM: They've no sense of responsibility. Give them a hygiene chamber and they store fossil fuel in it.
10: INT. SS BERNICE. PASSENGER SALOON
MAJOR DALY: Look, let...let's all have a drink and...discuss this thing like civilised people, what?
(He turns back to the much-used drinks tray.)
DOCTOR: Yes, that's an excellent idea, Major. I'll have a large scotch.
JOHN ANDREWS: (Interrupts firmly.) Major Daly, these people are stowaways. Quite possibly even criminals, and either unable or unwilling to give a satisfactory account of themselves.
MAJOR DALY: Hang it all, Andrews! The fellah is a sahib, you know!
JOHN ANDREWS: This is not a social occasion, Major.
MAJOR DALY: Oh, all right.(He mutters as he starts to pour himself another drink.)
MAJOR DALY: Have it your own way, though we can't extend back hospitality to a couple of poor wretched people in the...
(ANDREWS talks over him...)
JOHN ANDREWS: Well, actually, sir, I should like to extend to them the hospitality of your cabin.
MAJOR DALY: What!
JOHN ANDREWS: Until the Captain is free to see them.(The MAJOR frowns as he considers, but then resumes his hearty manner.)
MAJOR DALY: Yes, very well. You may certainly have my cabin!
JOHN ANDREWS: Thank you, sir. (To the DOCTOR and JO.) In that case, you two follow me. (To the sailor.) You bring up the rear.
SAILOR: Yes, sir.(He heads to a door that leads into the boat.)
DOCTOR: (To JO.) I told you we should have left I wanted to.
11: INT. SS BERNICE. PASSENGE OUTSIDE SALOON
(ANDREWS leads the way, JO, the DOCTOR and the sailor following as they descend some steps below deck.)
12: INT. SS BERNICE. LOWER DECK PASSAGE OUTSIDE CABIN
(Once down, ANDREWS leads them through a bulkhead door and along a passageway. The DOCTOR spots something on the floor.)
DOCTOR: Here, Jo. Look at this.
(ANDREWS waits at an open doorway.)
JOHN ANDREWS: Come along - in here.
DOCTOR: Any more of these about on the ship, or is this the only one?
JOHN ANDREWS: What?
DOCTOR: These.(At his feet is a hexagonal silver plate, some three feet wide.)
DOCTOR: Is this the only one?
JOHN ANDREWS: Well, there's nothing there!(JO looks at him in surprise.)
JO: Do you mean you can't see it?
(ANDREWS loses his temper with her.)
JOHN ANDREWS: Get into this cabin!
(He gestures through an open doorway. JO goes in but the DOCTOR doesn't move.)
JOHN ANDREWS: And you!
(The DOCTOR, a look of intense thought on his face, follows her.)
13: INT. SS BERNICE. MAJOR DALY'S CABIN
(They are in a cramped but comfortable cabin. Apart from two chairs - one with a few clothes on a it - the only items are a bed that JO sits on, a wall calendar, a clock that reads twenty-five to eight and a wallplan of the ship marked "SS BERNICE". The DOCTOR stares at this.)
JOHN ANDREWS: I have a crew of lascars who try to make a fool of me on every trip. Well, they've never managed it yet, and neither will you.
DOCTOR: Don't underestimate us, sir.(He gestures at the wallplan.)
DOCTOR: Tell me, is this ship the "SS Bernice"?
JOHN ANDREWS: You trying to pretend you didn't even know that?
DOCTOR: I didn't, but I do now. Makes everything much clearer - thank you.
JOHN ANDREWS: Alright, now I'm going to lock you in here until the Captain is ready to see you, and that might not be for a long time. He's a busy man.(He closes and locks the louvered door. The DOCTOR sits in one of the chairs.)
JO: Alright, Doctor, what's clear?
DOCTOR: Mmm?
JO: You said everything seemed much clearer now.
DOCTOR: Yes, relatively speaking. An extinct monster, that plate out there on the deck - yes, this is all most interesting.
JO: Do you really believe Andrews couldn't see it?
DOCTOR: What?
JO: Well, the plate in the floor.
DOCTOR: Oh yes, it's been blocked from his consciousness. Yes, if I'm right, it would have to be. It's certainly no part of the fabric of this ship.
JO: I'd say it was very much a part of the ship. A great lump of...(She pauses.)
DOCTOR: A great lump of what? It's not steel, copper or iron. And that metal is unknown on Earth, Jo.
JO: But we are on Earth, we must be! I mean, this ship, the people, the chickens... Oh, come on, Doctor, you're not going to tell me that Major Daly is an alien from another planet, are you?
DOCTOR: (Smiles.) No.
JO: Well then?(He gets up and points to the wall calendar. It shows the month of June 1926 with the first three dates crossed off.)
DOCTOR: Oh, look. Old Daly's been keeping track of the date.
(He sits on the bed.)
DOCTOR: I suppose the name of this ship means nothing to you, Jo, eh?
JO: No, should it?
DOCTOR: Well, in its time, the "SS Bernice" was as famous a sea mystery as the "Marie Celeste".
JO: Why, what happened?
DOCTOR: Nobody really knows. A freak tidal wave was the popular explanation, although the Indian Ocean was as flat as a millpond on that night.
JO: You mean she sank?
DOCTOR: No, she vanished, Jo. Two days out from Bombay on June the 4th, 1926, the "SS Bernice" just disappeared off the face of the Earth.
JO: Disappeared on June the...(She looks at the calendar.)
JO: June the 4th? But according to that calendar, that's today!
DOCTOR: Yes, intriguing, isn't it?(She stares at the wall clock.)
JO: Shall I tell you something else intriguing?
DOCTOR: Mmm hmm.
JO: When we came in here, that clock said twenty-five to eight.
DOCTOR: Well?
JO: Well, now look at it.(The DOCTOR gets up and looks at the clock which has gone back fifty-five minutes and now has hands pointing to twenty to seven.)
DOCTOR: Oh, you've noticed that, have you? Well done! Shall I tell you something that you may not have noticed? It's broad daylight outside.
JO: So?
DOCTOR: If this really is after dinner, and we are in the Indian Ocean, it should be pitch dark.(He heads for the door leaving a puzzled JO.)
JO: I don't get it?
(She looks on as he examines the lock.)
JO: Sonic screwdriver?
DOCTOR: No, that only works on electronic locks, Jo. We need something far more primitive.
JO: Skeleton keys.
DOCTOR: Well, they'd do fine if only we had any.(She takes a set out of her jacket pocket with a smile and holds them up.)
JO: Allow me, Doctor.
(The DOCTOR grins in delight.)
14: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT
(VORG fusses with the controls of his machine as SHIRNA nervously watches. She scuttles behind him as the three aliens approach.)
PLETRAC: From your data disks, it appear that you travel from planet to planet performing some kind of ritual with, er, this machine? For what purpose?
(SHIRNA steps forward with a smile.)
SHIRNA: We are entertainers.
PLETRAC: Entertainers? Explain the term.
SHIRNA: We put on a show - you understand?(She does a small tap dance with ends with a flourish and a smile.)
PLETRAC: (Coldly.) No.
VORG: Our purpose is to amuse, simply to amuse. Nothing serious, nothing political.(The three shocked aliens stare at each other in astonishment. They move quickly out of earshot and confer quietly.)
KALIK: Amusement is prohibited. It's purposeless.
PLETRAC: Zarb is considering lifting that restriction. The latest thinking is that the latest outbreak of violence among the functionaries is caused through lack of amusement.
KALIK: Oh, more anti-productive legislation!
ORUM: Where will it end?
KALIK: One can see where it will end, Orum. Ultimately, the functionaries will take over.
ORUM: (Shocked.) Take over!
PLETRAC: It is not the functionaries who dream of power, Kalik?
KALIK: Huh?(He smiles ingratiatingly.)
KALIK: One simply speaks one's thoughts.
PLETRAC: Your thoughts are as clear as your ambitions!
KALIK: How dare...!
ORUM: (Interrupts.) Please! One is simply here to decide whether to grant these Lurmans an entrance visa.
KALIK: Since their presence here is clearly subversive, one moves that their presence here be rejected.
PLETRAC: Opposed.
ORUM: Supported!(PLETRAC frowns as he sees that the fawning ORUM has helped outvote him.)
PLETRAC: Oh, very well.
(They return to VORG and SHIRNA.)
PLETRAC: You application for a visa has been rejected. You will be allotted space on the next outbound cargo thruster.
VORG: (Shocked.) But your worship, please! I beg you! We spent our last credit bar on the journey here!
KALIK: That was unwise...
VORG: Your worship, please...?(He pulls a cassette from his pocket.)
VORG: I have a document here...micrographed by the great Zarb himself. If you will do...just do me the honour of considering it.
(He passes the cassette to an astonished PLETRAC.)
PLETRAC: President Zarb?
(He turns and stares at his two colleagues and then, without a word, rushes off into the buildings of the port. VORG smiles as he watches him go but SHIRNA hisses over his shoulder.)
SHIRNA: Wasn't the great Zarb that Walarian wrestler we met at the instellar exhibition?
VORG: Shh! Shut up!
SHIRNA: Oh, you've got a nerve, Vorg, passing that off.
15: INT. SS BERNICE. LOWER DECK PASSAGE OUTSIDE CABIN
(Having got out of the cabin, the DOCTOR and JO are examining the mysterious floorplate.)
DOCTOR: Well, it slides open.
JO: Mmm, how does it work?
DOCTOR: Anti-magnetic conhesion, I should think.
JO: Never heard of it.
DOCTOR: No, you wouldn't have done, Jo. You were born about a thousand years too early for that.
JO: Oh, I do love being with you, Doctor - you make me feel so young!(They giggle.)
JO: Can you open it?
DOCTOR: (Sighs.) Without a magnetic core extractor, no.
JO: Ah well, that's that then, isn't it?
DOCTOR: On the contrary. I happen to have got one in the TARDIS.
JO: Oh, I knew you wouldn't travel anywhere without one! But there's one tiny little problem?
DOCTOR: Yes, I know - getting to the TARDIS.
JO: Right, means we've gotta go through the saloon.
DOCTOR: Well, they can only lock us up again, can't they?
JO: True.
DOCTOR: Come on.(They head back up the passageway.)
16: INT. SS BERNICE. PASSENGER SALOON
(MAJOR DALY, CLAIRE and ANDREWS enter the saloon from the gangway.)
MAJOR DALY: You say the cook's a Madrassi, Andrews?
JOHN ANDREWS: I believe so, sir.
MAJOR DALY: Oh, I find the Madrassi's a bit idle meself.(He heads straight for a drinks tray as CLAIRE and ANDREWS whisper conspiratorially.)
MAJOR DALY: Won't have them on the plantation. Still, I must admit your fellow knows how to curry a chicken. Sundowner?
JOHN ANDREWS: Er, not for me, sir.
MAJOR DALY: Claire?
CLAIRE DALY: No, thank you, daddy. John and I thought we'd take a turn around the deck.
JOHN ANDREWS: Would you care to join us, sir? It's a glorious evening.
17: INT. SS BERNICE. PASSENGE OUTSIDE SALOON
(Having climbed up from the lower deck, the DOCTOR frowns as he hears the repeated conversation.)
MAJOR DALY: (Inside saloon.) No, no, no, no, you two run along. I'm going to do a spot of reading.
(He ducks into hiding beside the door to the saloon.)
MAJOR DALY: (Inside saloon.) Determined to finish this book before we reach Bombay.
CLAIRE DALY: (Inside saloon.) Well, we're due there tomorrow. How much have you got left?(The DOCTOR signals to JO to join him.)
MAJOR DALY: (Inside saloon.) Only another two chapters.
(She does so.)
JOHN ANDREWS: (Inside saloon.) Well, we'll see you later then, sir.
MAJOR DALY: (Inside saloon.) Right.
JOHN ANDREWS: (Inside saloon.) Twenty times round the deck is a mile, Claire. So, if we put our best feet forward...(JO frowns in astonishment as she hears events replayed. ANDREWS' voice tails off as he and CLAIRE leave the saloon.)
JO: (Quietly.) Doctor! They're saying exactly the same things as before!
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Yes, I know.
JO: (Quietly.) But if he would...
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Shh!(He glances through into the saloon...)
18: INT. SS BERNICE. PASSENGER SALOON
(...where MAJOR DALY is again yawning over his book. CLAIRE and ANDREWS walk past the door again...)
CLAIRE DALY: No, really, I love musical plays! I saw "Lady, be good" four times, and don't you think that young American chap was marvellous - you know, Fred somebody?
19: INT. SS BERNICE. PASSENGE OUTSIDE SALOON
CLAIRE DALY: (OOV: Outside saloon.) Fred Astaire!
JOHN ANDREWS: (OOV: Outside saloon.) Personally, I think...(As they move off, the DOCTOR mouths to JO "Come on" to follow him into the saloon. They creep back in.)
20: INT. SS BERNICE. PASSENGER SALOON
(The DOCTOR goes up to the sleeping MAJOR.)
JO: (Whispers.) Come on, Doctor. Let's get out of here!
DOCTOR: (Whispers.) In a minute, Jo. If my theory's right, we should be getting confirmation any minute now.
JO: (Quietly.) Theory? What theory?
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) About what's happening to this ship.
JO: (Quietly.) Well, what is happening? I mean, it's like a gramophone record - a stuck gramophone record.
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Yes, well naturally. As if they've all been programmed to repeat a simple behaviour pattern.
JO: (Quietly.) And that monster, the...the plesiosaurus - that was programmed too?
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Very probably.
JO: (Quietly.) But that was from a different time. They weren't any plesiosaurus's in 1926.
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Yes, exactly. Historically speaking, this collection is a bit of a jumble, I must admit.
JO: (Quietly.) Do you mean that...well, this ship is part of a collection?(She looks round.)
JO: (Quietly.) But it all seems so ordinary.
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Jo, have you ever seen any small boys collecting sea creatures and putting them into a rock pool?
JO: (Nods.) Mmm.
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) And after a minute all the sea creatures settle down and behave quite normally, quite naturally. It's only the small boys looking down from above that see the change in the environment.
JO: (Quietly.) Well, yes, but that's different. Human beings are slightly more intelligent than whelks.
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Yes, and they were collected by a slightly more sophisticated means than a bucket of water. But everything is relative, Jo.(She tuts and shakes her head.)
JO: I'm sorry, Doctor, I just can't take it in.
DOCTOR: Yes, well, don't worry about it.(He checks his wristwatch.)
DOCTOR: Right, stand by for blasting.
JO: Oh, wait a minute, do you mean...?
DOCTOR: Shh!(He makes a final check of his watch.)
DOCTOR: Right, go and hide.
(They run to their previous hiding place. The DOCTOR looks down at his watch. After a few seconds, time carries on repeating itself when the peace of the ship is disturbed by the roar of the monster and CLAIRE'S scream. The MAJOR wakes up...)
MAJOR DALY: Yeah...what...what? What? What? What?
(He jumps to his feet as CLAIRE, distraught, and ANDREWS again come running back into the saloon.)
CLAIRE DALY: Daddy, oh, Daddy, there's something dreadful out there!
MAJOR DALY: What's going on?
JOHN ANDREWS: Some kind of monster!(The plesiosaurus again makes its appearance.)
MAJOR DALY: What the deuce is it?!
(The creature roars again and once more falls back into the sea as the DOCTOR and JO wait. The MAJOR goes to the doorway.)
MAJOR DALY: It's gone back in the sea!
JOHN ANDREWS: I'd better get a rifle, Major. It might attack again! Here, Major, if you'll just look after Claire a moment?
MAJOR DALY: Oh, yes, yes, of course.(He hugs his daughter as ANDREWS rushes off. From outside the cabin, they can hear the yells of the shocked sailors.)
MAJOR DALY: I say! What a monstrous beast!
CLAIRE DALY: (Tearfully.) Yes, it was awful, horrible!
MAJOR DALY: There, there, there, child.(He leads her to a chair.)
MAJOR DALY: You'd better come and sit down. I've never seen anything like it in me life! I wonder if it'll come back?
(The DOCTOR signals to JO to rise and follow him.)
CLAIRE DALY: Oh no!
MAJOR DALY: Oh, oh, you look as if you need a peg. Might get a shot at the beast next time.(They run out of the cabin as DALY pours a drink for his daughter.)
MAJOR DALY: What a head, eh?! By gad, I'd love to have that on the club wall! What?
21: INT. SS BERNICE. CARGO HOLD
(Having safely made their way back, the DOCTOR and JO re-enter the ship's hold.)
DOCTOR: Hang on a minute, Jo. I'll get the magnetic core extractor.
(He enters the TARDIS.)
JO: Doctor, do we have to stay here? Can't we just leave?
DOCTOR: (OOV: Inside the TARDIS.) Where's your scientific curiosity, Jo? Don't you want to know what's going on?
JO: Not much, no.(She suddenly hears a rumbling from above and looks up in shock.)
JO: Doctor!
DOCTOR: (OOV: Inside the TARDIS.) What is it now?
JO: (Screams.) Doctor!(Light floods the hold as the DOCTOR rushes out of the TARDIS.)
DOCTOR: What is it, Jo?
JO: (Gasps.) Look!(She points upwards as a gigantic hand reaches down from above and grasps the TARDIS, starting to lift it away...)
DR. WHO
JON PERTWEEJo Grant
KATY MANNINGMajor Daly
TENNIEL EVANSJohn Andrews
IAN MARTERClaire Daly
JENNY McCRACKENVorg
LESLIE DWYERShirna
CHERYL HALLPletrac
PETER HALLIDAYKalik
MICHAEL WISHEROrum
TERENCE LODGEWritten by
ROBERT HOLMESTitle Music
RON GRAINER
and
BBC Radiophonic WorkshopIncidental Music by
DUDLEY SIMPSONSpecial Sound
BRIAN HODGSONVisual Effects Design
JOHN HORTONCostume Designer
JAMES ACHESONMake-up
ANGELA SEYFANGLighting
CLIVE THOMASSound
GORDON MACKIEScript Editor
TERRANCE DICKSDesigner
ROGER LIMINTONDirected by
BARRY LETTS
COLOUR
© BBC 1972