1: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LABORATORY (NIGHT)
(In the silent laboratory, the egg starts to twitch. The shell breaks and a maggot emerges. It starts to slither out.)
2: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LIVING ROOM (NIGHT)
(JO leafs through the book in the firelight.)
3: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LABORATORY (NIGHT)
(The maggot is now on the floor. It slithers towards the doorway and out into the hallway.)
4: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LIVING ROOM (NIGHT)
(JO is still absorbed in her book. Her back is to the door. She therefore fails to see as the maggot enters the room and rears up slightly as it senses her
presence. It then carries on slithering towards her unprotected back. HINKS appears at the French window. He looks into the room and then silently opens the
window and creeps in. The maggot changes direction and moves towards him while he in turn is creeping up on JO. HINKS glances round and sees the approaching
maggot. His face registers a mixture of horror and disgust as the grub rears up and jumps up at the thug's hand, biting into it. HINKS yells with pain and
horror. JO jumps up, sees what is happening and screams. The maggot falls off his hand and slithers quickly towards the open window and HINKS falls to the
ground crying out with the pain of the infected bite. CLIFF, the DOCTOR, NANCY and another man of the community come running into the room.)
JO: Doctor! Doctor!
CLIFFORD JONES: What is it, Jo? What's happened?
JO: I don't know! I heard him shout and turned round, this...then I saw a maggot on him! Look, you can still see its trail.
(A trail of the green slime runs across a rug and the parquet floor.)
DOCTOR: The egg - it must have hatched out.
NANCY: We'll go after it.
(JO and CLIFF attend to HINKS.)
DOCTOR: Nancy - now be careful. Find out where it's gone and come back here at once.
(NANCY and the man go through the window. Meanwhile HINKS is starting to breathe badly.)
JO: Who is he?
CLIFFORD JONES: It's the bloke that drives Stevens around. His private strong-arm man.
JO: Doctor, will he die?
DOCTOR: Well the others did.
CLIFFORD JONES: Oh, he's getting weaker already. I'll ring for an ambulance.
DOCTOR: Yes, and the Brigadier.
CLIFFORD JONES: Right.
(He leaves the room as NANCY comes back in through the window from the night.)
NANCY: It's disappeared. The trail's stopped by the window.
DOCTOR: Thank you, Nancy. Can't be helped.
(Using a pencil, the DOCTOR scoops up some of the slime off the floor.)
DOCTOR: Well, at least we can analyse this slime.
5: EXT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY
(It is the next morning. The UNIT troops have arrived in force and unloading ammunition boxes marked "EXPLOSIVES" near the mine under the watchful
eye of the BRIGADIER. He moves to another part of the mine workings where SERGEANT BENTON is yelling instructions at more troops.)
SERGEANT BENTON: Come on, Dicks, get a move on!
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Sergeant Benton!
SERGEANT BENTON: Yes sir?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: The charges laid?
SERGEANT BENTON: Not yet, sir.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well get on with it.
SERGEANT BENTON: Right, sir.
(They walk up some steps to where they can see the main gate and the road across which the troops have put up a barrier. The village MILKMAN is there,
arguing with the sentries.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What's going on down there?
MILKMAN: (Angrily.) What's going on here?
(The BRIGADIER walks down to the barrier as the argument continues...)
MILKMAN: (Angrily.) Orders? What do you mean - orders?
(The MILKMAN approaches the Corporal in charge.)
MILKMAN: I suppose if your officer gave you orders to kick the Prince of Wales, old Callow, up his royal britches, you'd do it, I suppose, would you?
What about Miss Cartwright's ginger cat, eh?
(As the BRIGADIER approaches, the soldiers laugh at the MILKMAN'S comments.)
MILKMAN: At death's door, he is, poor devil, not to mention Tom the sea captain.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Right, let him through.
(The soldiers start to pull the barrier away as the MILKMAN smiles.)
MILKMAN: Ah, an educated man, you see? Thank you, Captain.
(The MILKMAN turns back to his float but then stops.)
MILKMAN: Hey, what are you doing up at the pit? Going to blow it up, are you?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: How did you know that?
MILKMAN: Well, I've got eyes, haven't I?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, you have. And now perhaps you'll be good enough to be on your way.
MILKMAN: Such courtesy. Thank you, Captain.
(The MILKMAN smiles, cheekily salutes and walks off to his float.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (To himself.) Blast!
6: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LABORATORY
(CLIFF puts a slide under his microscope and looks through it. The DOCTOR fills a test-tube and JO watches.)
CLIFFORD JONES: Aye, you're right. It's incredible. The DNA must be invading the foreign cells.
JO: Look, I'm sorry, I know I'm a cloth-head...
CLIFFORD JONES: (Interrupts.) Well, that's alright, love - not your fault!
JO: Yes, but I don't understand.
DOCTOR: Well, it's quite simple, Jo. We're putting some of the green cells from the maggot's trail with some human body cells.
JO: (Appalled.) Which? I mean, which body? Whose body?!
CLIFFORD JONES: Mine - mucus membrane cells.
JO: Did it hurt?
DOCTOR: Oh, Jo, really!
JO: I'm sorry.
CLIFFORD JONES: Well, the point is that the maggot cells changed the internal structure of the human cells into their own nature.
DOCTOR: Yeah, rather as a virus does.
JO: (To CLIFF.) You mean, your cells turned into maggot cells?
CLIFFORD JONES: In effect, yes.
JO: That's what happened to those poor miners.
DOCTOR: Correct, Jo, correct.
JO: Well, what now?
DOCTOR: Well, we'll just have to get a hold of one of those maggots, won't we?
JO: Down the mine again?
DOCTOR: Well, I don't like the idea any more than you do, Jo, but we've no alternative.
(NANCY comes into the room.)
NANCY: Cliff? Old Jones the Milk says they're going to blow up the mine!
(He runs from the room.)
7: EXT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY
(The cloaked DOCTOR reached the mine and is in the not-unusual position of arguing with the BRIGADIER.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Sorry, Doctor, those are my orders.
(They walk down some steps towards BENTON, JO and CLIFF. Nearby are some troops completing operations.)
DOCTOR: Orders? Whose orders? Not that fellow from Global Chemicals?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: It's the only sensible thing to do. Seal those things inside there for good. Ready, Benton?
SERGEANT BENTON: Standing by, sir.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Alright then, clear the area.
SERGEANT BENTON: Right, sir.
(He crosses over to the troops as the DOCTOR continues to plead with the BRIGADIER.)
DOCTOR: Wait, wait, Brigadier - give me an hour.
SERGEANT BENTON: (To the troops.) Okay, lads, clear the area!
DOCTOR: Give me half an hour. At least give me a chance to talk to the wretched man.
(The BRIGADIER consults his wristwatch.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You've exactly thirty-two and a half minutes.
(He sets off.)
8: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE
(At Global Chemicals, the DOCTOR has no success with STEVENS.)
STEVENS: For over a quarter of an hour I've listened patiently to you, Doctor - now it's my turn.
DOCTOR: Mr. Stevens, at the moment those maggots and their eggs are situated in one place where we can observe them. Now if you seal off that mine, then
we shall have no way of knowing...
STEVENS: (Interrupts.) Please, Doctor! There is no point in going on like this. You have convinced me.
DOCTOR: (Puzzled.) Oh, then you don't intend to blow up the mine?
STEVENS: You have convinced me that you are an arrant sensation monger, a political hothead and a scientific charlatan! Giant maggots indeed!
(The DOCTOR raises his voice...)
DOCTOR: All I'm asking for is a little more time!
STEVENS: (Shouts.) Time to spread more calumnies - more lies!
DOCTOR: Time to find out the truth. Time to find out if the waste from your product is causing these maggots to appear!
STEVENS: (Shouts.) That's enough! I warn you, Doctor, if you persist in these slanders, I shall have you restrained under the emergency powers
DOCTOR: You have no such right!
STEVENS: The necessary authority was brought to me this morning.
(He presses the intercom on his desk.)
(It buzzes once...)
STEVENS: Ask Mr. Elgin to bring in the man from the ministry, will you?
(...and then buzzes twice.)
STEVENS: Do you realise what my process can mean to the economy of this country? Can you imagine any government allowing such...
(The door opens and ELGIN leads a man in.)
STEVENS: Ah. come in, will you? Doctor, may I introduce you to Mr. Yates?
(The DOCTOR, paying little attention to the two newcomers thus far, suddenly looks up.)
CAPTAIN YATES: How do you do?
(CAPTAIN YATES, out of uniform and in a smart suit, gives the DOCTOR the most subtle of meaningful looks. The DOCTOR nods.)
DOCTOR: How do you do?
9: EXT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY
(The BRIGADIER checks his watch.)
JO: Come on, Doctor, come on! (To CLIFF.) How much longer?
(CLIFF checks his own watch.)
JO: It's too late, isn't it?
CLIFFORD JONES: In two and a half minutes, the Brigadier's going to press that button.
(He looks over at the detonation button.)
10: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE
(The DOCTOR, whilst maintaining the cover, is now arguing with YATES as STEVENS and ELGIN watch on.)
DOCTOR: If he does that, it'd be criminal folly!
CAPTAIN YATES: I'm sorry, Doctor, but the Brigadier's orders and my own are quite clear.
DOCTOR: (Furiously.) Orders! Is nobody capable of acting on their own around here?
CAPTAIN YATES: I'm sorry.
11: EXT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY
(The BRIGADIER looks at his watch.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Right, Benton - stand by.
SERGEANT BENTON: Right, take cover, lads. Stand by!
(The troops take cover behind a mining truck. BENTON adjusts a fuse and lifts the detonation handle. A short distance away, JO and CLIFF with other troops
JO: No, you can't!
(The BRIGADIER joins them and counts down on his watch.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Ten...nine...eight...
12: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE
DOCTOR: (To YATES, shouting.) You must stop him!
13: EXT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Five...four...
14: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE
CAPTAIN YATES: (Shouts.) I can't!
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) You must!
15: EXT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Two...one...fire!
(BENTON plunges down the handle and a series of enormous explosion erupts from the working buildings of the mine, bringing them down and destroying the
16: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE
(The sound of the explosion reaches STEVENS' office. The Director stands up.)
STEVENS: The point has become academic, it would seem?
CAPTAIN YATES: (To the DOCTOR.) Perhaps it's all for the best.
(The DOCTOR rounds on YATES and speaks to him in a quietly dangerous tone.)
DOCTOR: The best! I think you'll find, Mr. Yates, that this is the worst day's work the world has seen for many, many years.
STEVENS: I don't think we need detain you, Doctor.
(He heads for the door which ELGIN holds open for him.)
STEVENS: And Doctor?
STEVENS: (Coldly.) I would advise you not to come back here. If you should be so foolish, you would be received with considerably less courtesy.
(The DOCTOR looks at the three men, nods and walks out. STEVENS' manner softens...)
STEVENS: And now, Mr. Yates, we must make sure you are well looked after during your little stay. Elgin? Show Mr. Yates to the visitor's suite, will
CAPTAIN YATES: Thank you, Mr. Stevens.
ELGIN: Do you have a case?
CAPTAIN YATES: It's in the car.
(He follows ELGIN out.)
ELGIN: Good, we can get it out together...
(STEVENS watches them go and the door closes. STEVENS, a smile on his face lets out an audible sigh of satisfaction. The wall monitor oscilloscope starts...)
BOSS'S VOICE: Ah, Stevens, the adrenaline flowing nicely? Living dangerously? That's how you get your kicks like the good little Nietzschean you are -
STEVENS: I...don't know what you mean?
BOSS'S VOICE: No? Oh, supposing that this Doctor had managed to persuade them to hold up the sealing of the mine. The Brigadier is a friend of his, you
STEVENS: It...would only have been temporary.
BOSS'S VOICE: Ah, long enough, perhaps, for them to get one of these creatures. Not safe to ask outsiders to do our work for us.
STEVENS: Of course.
(He bows to the monitor.)
STEVENS: I'm sorry.
BOSS'S VOICE: Oh, don't apologise, my little superman! Huh! Just be sure next time. The day is coming fast - D-day! ___! Nothing must be allowed to stop
17: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LABORATORY
(The DOCTOR, JO, CLIFF and the BRIGADIER have returned to Wholeweal. The DOCTOR hangs up his jacket, ready to start work again on the slime.)
JO: Mike Yates - here?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes.
DOCTOR: Well, why didn't you tell me?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Didn't give me much of a chance, did you?
JO: Well what's the idea?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Smiles.) Well, I'm not such a dunderhead as you all seem to think. I don't like this fellow Stevens any more than
DOCTOR: Then why did you blow up the mine?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Orders, Doctor, orders. I'm still a soldier, you know. But that doesn't stop me having an inside man to have a shuftie
DOCTOR: Yes, well I take your point, Brigadier. But, you know, there are times when I do wish that your devotion to duty was a trifle more...flexible,
shall we say?
(He joins CLIFF at the bench.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I don't understand you lot. Seems to me the problem's solved. We'll see no more of those creepie-crawlies, you mark my
(All three look up at the soldier...)
18: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. CORRIDOR
(An aproned CLEANER approaches the pumping room door with the tools of her trade. She unlocks the door and enters.)
19: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. PUMPING ROOM
(Once within the room, she suddenly cries out and drops her cloth and dustpan in shock.)
CLEANER: Oh no!
(Beyond the inspection hatch of the pipe can be seen the maggots, crawling about in their green slime. The CLEANER runs for the door.)
20: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. CORRIDOR
(Outside, she runs straight into ELGIN.)
ELGIN: Mrs. Griffiths - what on earth's the matter?
(She points back into the pumping room.)
CLEANER: Oh, in there! Horrible, it is!
(ELGIN enters the room.)
21: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. PUMPING ROOM
(He stops in shock when he sees the mass of maggots beyond the glass.)
22: EXT. SLAGHEAP
(A UNIT jeep drives across the slagheap which adjoins the now destroyed mine. It stops near a patrolling soldier and BENTON gets out of the passenger seat
and speaks to the soldier.)
SERGEANT BENTON: Everything okay?
(The soldier waves and nods.)
SERGEANT BENTON: Well, keep your eyes open, just in case.
(BENTON is about to get back into the jeep but something at the feet of the soldier catches his eye and he looks down to see a maggot emerging from the
clinker next to the soldier's boot.)
SERGEANT BENTON: Look out, man! Get back!
(The soldier jumps back as the maggot hisses at him.)
23: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE
(ELGIN has come to STEVENS with the news of the maggots but the Director is airily dismissive of the problem.)
ELGIN: It is not nonsense! The pipe is full of them! They're about two feet long. They must have come up from the bottom of the mine. Everything that
Doctor said is true.
STEVENS: I'm not disputing it, dear boy, but there's no need to get so excited about it. There's a simple remedy - pump down more waste and flush 'em
ELGIN: That is just shoving the problem underground. We've been poisoning the mine for long enough.
STEVENS: (Sharply.) Poisoning? I find your choice of words a trifle excessive.
ELGIN: (Shouts.) There are three people dead, Mr. Stevens!
STEVENS: (Shouts.) The mine has been sealed!
ELGIN: (Calmly.) Am I to understand that you propose to do nothing about this?
STEVENS: I see no necessity.
ELGIN: Then I must find somebody who will.
(He moves to the door but before he can open it, STEVENS presses a button on his desk and the door lock can be heard moving into place. ELGIN remains calm.)
ELGIN: Please unlock this door.
(STEVENS looks at him and then moves in front of the console.)
STEVENS: Come and sit down, Elgin.
ELGIN: Unlock the door.
(STEVENS considers and then presses a button on the console. An electronic shriek fills the room and ELGIN clamps his hands to his ears in pain. His face
clouds over and he removes his hands.)
STEVENS: Sit down.
(ELGIN, moving as if possessed, moves to a visitor's chair. STEVENS unpacks the sinister headset.)
STEVENS: Don't worry. I won't hurt you.
24: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP
(The BRIGADIER is at the edge of the slagheap, where the UNIT troops have retreated to, watching events through a pair of binoculars. Barriers have been set
up to prevent entry to the area. SERGEANT BENTON drives up in a jeep and joins him.)
SERGEANT BENTON: Sir? I thought it best to back it up a bit - seeing as you said they could jump.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, quite right, Benton, quite right.
(He looks through his binoculars. The whole area of the slagheap is covered with hundreds of crawling, slithering maggots.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: There's another lot.
(He looks in another direction.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: They're all over the place!
25: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LABORATORY
(The DOCTOR puts a phone down.)
DOCTOR: Well, they're all over the place.
JO: You mean they...they've tunnelled their way out?
DOCTOR: The maggots are some sort of larvae...and not the finished product. Trying to find their way to daylight.
CLIFFORD JONES: They must be coming up some of the old shafts in the mine - breaking through the last few feet of earth.
JO: But how did it happen?
CLIFFORD JONES: Oil waste from Global Chemicals must have contaminated some of the maggots causing an atavistic mutation.
JO: Giant maggots?! Well what kind of insects are they going to turn into?
DOCTOR: That's a very good question, Jo.
26: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP
(Three writhing maggots hiss at a UNIT soldier as he patrols near the edge of the slagheap. He runs off from them. Nearby, several soldiers pump bullet after
bullet into the creatures. They have no effect and the soldiers retreat. The soldier who ran from the maggots, reaches the BRIGADIER and the DOCTOR and points
out the nearby creatures.)
UNIT SOLDIER: Sir - look!
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, I see 'em.
(He unholsters his own pistol.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, I never thought I'd fire in anger at a...dratted caterpillar, but...
(He fires several shots at them but the maggots are unharmed.)
DOCTOR: No, not a chance, Brigadier. Thick chitinous plates protecting the whole body surface - it's armour- plated.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Alright, we'll try AP bullets. (To the soldier.) Give 'em ten rounds rapid.
UNIT SOLDIER: Sir.
(The soldier aims with his rifle and fires the ten heavier shots at a maggot but the bullets ricochet off its shell. The BRIGADIER speaks into his TM45
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Greyhound one to greyhound three - how's the spray working - over?
SERGEANT BENTON: (OOV: Over radio.) No, it's no good, sir.
27: EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE SLAGHEAP
(An insecticide is being sprayed over more maggots but they are moving relentlessly forward.)
SERGEANT BENTON: (Into radio.) They seem to thrive on it - the same with every pesticide we try.
28: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP
DOCTOR: There's only one real answer - a biological counter-strike.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: With what?
DOCTOR: Professor Jones is working on it...but he needs more living tissue.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, there's any amount of it out there going begging.
DOCTOR: No, wait! I don't like it. Nobody should have to risk infection until we know we have a cure. We want no more deaths.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What then?
DOCTOR: Can you get me any oil waste from Global Chemicals?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Simplicity itself.
29: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. YATES' OFFICE
(CAPTAIN YATES has been allocated a small office at Global Chemicals. His phone rings and he finishes stirring a cup of tea and answers it.)
CAPTAIN YATES: (Into phone.) Yates? (He listens.) Oh... (Coughs.) Lethbridge Stewart - my dear chap. What can I do for you?
30: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. PITHEAD OFFICE
(The BRIGADIER is using the pithead office, undamaged in the explosions.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) Your report, Captain Yates. Have you discovered anymore about their oil formula?
31: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. YATES' OFFICE
CAPTAIN YATES: (Into phone.) No. No, everyone's being most helpful.
32: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. PITHEAD OFFICE
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) Can you get the Doctor a sample of the oil.
33: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. YATES' OFFICE
CAPTAIN YATES: (Into phone.) Of course not, Brigadier. If ever I want anything, there's always somebody right at my elbow...to lend a hand.
(YATES looks up at a GUARD stood next to him who has been permanently assigned to escort him. The man smiles down at his charge as he stirs his own cup of
34: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. PITHEAD OFFICE
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) I see. So you've got nothing.
DOCTOR: Let me talk to him.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) Hold on a minute.
(He passes the phone to the DOCTOR.)
DOCTOR: (Into phone.) Captain Yates - the Doctor here. Now look, I'm going to have a stab at getting in there myself.
35: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. YATES' OFFICE
CAPTAIN YATES: (Into phone.) Well naturally, I have the utmost confidence in the security. In fact, they've, er, doubled it up since the
problem arose. So we've no worries there.
36: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. PITHEAD OFFICE
CAPTAIN YATES: (OOV: Over phone.) Nobody can get in.
DOCTOR: (Into phone.) I see. Well, erm, keep a look out for me anyway, will you?
37: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. YATES' OFFICE
CAPTAIN YATES: (Into phone.) Yes, of course. Goodbye.
(He puts the phone down and picks up a biscuit off a plate.)
CAPTAIN YATES: These military types. Always worrying about something, aren't they?
(The guard nods and sips his tea.)
38: INT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY. PITHEAD OFFICE
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You've set yourself quite a task, Doctor. They're pretty efficient up there.
DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, I know.
(He crosses to the window and looks out.)
39: EXT. LLANFAIRFACH COLLIERY
(The milkfloat passes. From the window, the DOCTOR smiles.)
40: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. MAIN GATE
(The milkfloat approaches the main gate of Global Chemicals. The barrier is raised and one of the GUARDS steps forward. Sat in the milkfloat, wearing coat,
cap, glasses and a false moustache is the DOCTOR.)
GUARD: (Suspiciously.) Where's the other bloke?
(The DOCTOR replies in a old wheezy voice and a Welsh accent.)
DOCTOR: Ohh...the poor boyo is taken very sick. Er, something he ate, his mam said.
GUARD: Oh, who are you then?
DOCTOR: Me, er, oh, I'm his Da. I mean, they told me I was too old to take over, they did, but I...I've been doing this milk round, ooh, fifty-three
years, wet or fine, didn't I?
(The GUARD starts to get bored.)
DOCTOR: Oh, er, there's life in the old dog yet. Ah, I...I was only saying to Rosie up at the "Red Dragon", a big fine strapping girl she
GUARD: (Interrupts.) Look, I haven't got time to listen to you blathering - just get on in.
DOCTOR: Thank you.
GUARD: Yes, and you.
(The DOCTOR starts the float up again and drives into the complex.)
41: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LABORATORY
(JO holds up two test tubes of the green slime while CLIFF extracts a sample from one of them and smears it on a slide.)
JO: You know, when I first started working for UNIT, the Brigadier told me this was going to be my job. You know, holding test tubes for the Doctor
and telling him how brilliant he was! (Laughs.) Never seemed to get around to it though somehow.
CLIFFORD JONES: A pretty dull sort of job.
JO: I don't know - I'm rather enjoying this.
CLIFFORD JONES: Aye, so am I.
(They smile at each other. CLIFF places the slide next to several others on the lab bench.)
CLIFFORD JONES: Look, Jo...
JO: Mmm hmm?
CLIFFORD JONES: When all this business is over, I was wondering if you'd...
(JO turns and knocks a jar of brown powder all over the slides.)
CLIFFORD JONES: Ow!
JO: Oh, Cliff!
CLIFFORD JONES: You clumsy young goat - you've ruined the lot!
JO: I'm sorry!
CLIFFORD JONES: All wasted.
JO: Well, what was that stuff?
CLIFFORD JONES: Dry fungus - my hybrid. I'll have to do the whole lot again.
JO: Well, no you won't because all you've got to do...
(JO reaches out for the slides but CLIFF knocks her hands back.)
CLIFFORD JONES: No, leave it! I shudder to think what might happen.
JO: I'm sorry.
42: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. CORRIDOR
(The DOCTOR, still in his milkman disguise and with container of bottles in his hand, makes his way down a corridor, past an unsuspecting guard. He turns a
corner and looks round. Suddenly a klaxon alarm blares out followed by an electronic voice...)
VOICE: Phase three alert...in central security area. Intruder believed to be in main block dressed as milkman.
(The DOCTOR opens a door and looks in. It seems to be a storeroom for the cleaners.)
VOICE: Apprehend and detain.
43: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. CLEANER'S CUPBOARD
(He enters and closes the door.)
44: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. CORRIDOR
(Outside, guards run past in their search.)
45: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. CLEANER'S CUPBOARD
(The DOCTOR starts to divest himself of his disguise although the false moustache momentarily sticks to his fingers.)
46: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LABORATORY
(CLIFF is looking intently through his microscope.)
CLIFFORD JONES: Mmm?
JO: What you really need is a maggot, isn't it?
CLIFFORD JONES: First things first.
JO: Okay, well what shall I do?
CLIFFORD JONES: Keep me company, make some coffee?
(He returns to his work.)
JO: Like a dutiful tea girl?
CLIFFORD JONES: (Not listening.) Fine.
JO: In a frilly cap and an apron?
CLIFFORD JONES: (Not listening.) Perfect.
JO: Would you like a nice cup of arsenic?
CLIFFORD JONES: (Not listening.) Fine, fine, whatever you've got.
(JO sighs. She thinks and then grabs a pen and notepad. She scribbles a note and places it next to CLIFF.)
CLIFFORD JONES: Thanks.
(JO looks round the room and spots an empty wicker cat carrier. She picks it up and leaves the room. CLIFF, intent on his work, doesn't notice.)
47: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. CORRIDOR
(YATES is accompanied by his GUARD as they walk down the corridor. They pass a cleaner in apron and headscarf who has smeared a window with polish. As they
move towards a lift door, the cleaner turns. It is the DOCTOR. He desperately waves his cloth at YATES but he doesn't get his attention. The two reach the lift
and the GUARD presses the button to summon the lift.)
CAPTAIN YATES: What's all the fuss?
YATE'S GUARD: Oh, some milkman - wandering about where he shouldn't be. They'll find him.
(YATES turns and sees the DOCTOR who has written "GET RID OF HIM!" in the polish and is urgently pointing between the message and the unseeing
GUARD. The lift door opens. The GUARD sees YATES looking intently at the "cleaner" who is scrubbing away at the polish.)
YATE'S GUARD: Okay?
CAPTAIN YATES: Yeah.
(They enter the lift and the GUARD presses the button.)
CAPTAIN YATES: Oh, I've forgotten my attaché case.
(YATES jumps out of the closing doors and away from the alarmed GUARD.)
CAPTAIN YATES: I'll join you downstairs!
(The doors close and YATES rubbing his hands with glee runs over to where the DOCTOR, bucket held like a handbag, holds up an imperious finger and speaks in
a deep feminine voice like Wilde's Lady Bracknell in drag...)
DOCTOR: You say one word...
(YATES looks him over.)
CAPTAIN YATES: I like your handbag!
DOCTOR: Do you? Well watch out I don't slosh you with it!
(He throws the empty bucket into YATES' hands and speaks in his normal voice.)
DOCTOR: Now, where can we talk?
CAPTAIN YATES: In my office.
DOCTOR: Right, come on.
(They move off.)
48: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP
(JO makes her way towards the slagheap, cat carrier in hand. SERGEANT BENTON draws up in a jeep and JO hastily holds the carrier behind her.)
SERGEANT BENTON: Hello, looking for the Doctor?
JO: Er...er, yes.
SERGEANT BENTON: Well, he's not here. Gone over to the complex.
JO: Oh. Alright, I think I'll take a look around...while I'm here.
SERGEANT BENTON: Sorry, Miss Grant, Brigadier's orders an' all that. It's too dangerous up there, with all those things popping up out of the ground all
over the place.
JO: Oh. Alright.
SERGEANT BENTON: See you later then, bye.
(He drives off. JO watches him go and then carries on.)
49: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. YATES' OFFICE
(The DOCTOR and YATES enter the office. The DOCTOR puts down his cloth and bottle of polish on a filing cabinet.)
DOCTOR: Alright, Captain Yates, what have you found out?
CAPTAIN YATES: Well clearly, Global Chemicals is responsible for the trouble at the pit.
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, I know, that's obvious. But have you been able to get a hold of any of that waste?
CAPTAIN YATES: Be like stealing the crown jewels.
DOCTOR: Well, can you get a hold of the formula?
CAPTAIN YATES: Not much chance, but we could try.
DOCTOR: Where's it kept?
CAPTAIN YATES: Everything important is isolated on the top floor. There's a special lift at the end of the block.
(YATES takes out a notebook and shows the DOCTOR a plan he has drawn.)
DOCTOR: Mmm hmm.
CAPTAIN YATES: It works with some sort of key but the Director's the only person who's got one.
(He tears the map out and passes it to the DOCTOR.)
DOCTOR: Well then, Captain Yates, this could prove absolutely vital.
CAPTAIN YATES: There's one other thing...
DOCTOR: Mmm hmm.
CAPTAIN YATES: The Director isn't the real boss. He takes his instructions from someone else.
DOCTOR: Oh, who?
CAPTAIN YATES: Whoever lives on the top floor.
(They hear a noise outside. YATES dives for his briefcase and the DOCTOR for his cleaning cloth as the door opens and STEVENS and the GUARD enter. His back
to the three, the DOCTOR quickly starts polishing the filing cabinet.)
STEVENS: Ah, Mr. Yates, we were looking for you.
YATE'S GUARD: You said you had to get an attaché case?
CAPTAIN YATES: Yes, here it is.
(He holds the case up and smiles at STEVENS.)
CAPTAIN YATES: I'm ready now.
(STEVENS and YATES leave. The GUARD is the last out and throws a friendly question at the scrubbing DOCTOR.)
YATE'S GUARD: How's the old man, Doris?
(The DOCTOR looks momentarily alarmed but speaks in a wizened Welsh voice.)
DOCTOR: Oh, oh, he's ___ lovely.
(The GUARD smiles and seems to accept the DOCTOR'S garbled reply and leaves.)
50: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LABORATORY
(CLIFF looks up from his microscope with a sigh of frustration. He glances down at the slides over which the brown powder was spilled. The powder seems to
have absorbed the slime. He grabs at one and puts it under the microscope. He examines it and bangs the bench with his fist in joy.)
CLIFFORD JONES: That's it, of course! Jo, we can cure it!
(He looks round and sees that he is alone.)
CLIFFORD JONES: Jo?
(He notices the written note and reads it...)
CLIFFORD JONES: "Gone to get you a maggot." (Tuts.) Silly young fool - she'll get herself killed!
(He rushes out of the lab.)
51: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. CLEANER'S CUPBOARD
(The DOCTOR changes out of his cleaner's disguise and puts his own velvet jacket back on. He checks the note map and leaves the cupboard.)
52: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. CORRIDOR
(He makes his way down a corridor and spots the lift. He goes up to the door, checks that no one is nearby and takes his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket.
He adjusts it and uses it to open the lift doors. The chamber beyond is patterned with studded walls. He enters and the doors close.)
53: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP
(The BRIGADIER walks with BENTON to the barriers at the edge of the slagheap.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Won't be long now, Benton.
SERGEANT BENTON: You mean reinforcements, sir?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, I've just been on to the RAF. They'll be flying a low level strike with H.E. grenades in...
(He checks his watch.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: ...in just seven minutes. In ten minutes time, they'll be nothing left alive in that whole area.
54: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. COMPUTER ROOM
(The lift has reached its destination and the doors open. The DOCTOR steps out into a brightly-lit room which is filled with a mass of computer equipment -
tape banks, consoles, monitors - all quietly humming and ticking away. The DOCTOR looks round in puzzlement. There is no one there. He walks round and stands on
a small platform. Suddenly, the VOICE that emits from STEVENS' monitor booms across the room in a friendly, welcoming tone.)
BOSS'S VOICE: How kind of you to drop in, Doctor! I've been looking forward to having a little chat with you.
(The DOCTOR looks for the source of the VOICE in total bafflement.)
DOCTOR: Who are you? Where are you?
BOSS'S VOICE: You disappoint me, Doctor. I should have thought you'd have guessed.
(Behind the DOCTOR is a huge circular screen on which the oscilloscope twitches against a red background.)
BOSS'S VOICE: I am the BOSS. I'm all around you.
(The DOCTOR turns and looks at the red screen.)
BOSS'S VOICE: Exactly - I am the computer!
Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart
Incidental Music by
© BBC 1973